error 69

A book full of pages

2008-10-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

You don't want to miss a single detail, you want to know everything that there is to know, you want to flip through all the pages, read every word, all the letters and count the number of spaces. A question mark to keep you guessing, a comma to hold your breath till the next word and a period to begin another long sentence.

The first few pages were easy, you cruised through those chapters. You now know the basics, you've mastered them and now you think you are ready for some more.

Almost half way though, now the words are tougher, you cannot comprehend anymore , you fail to see the logic behind the writings. You don't know why you still read this book, you ask questions along the way. Some are answered in the book, for some there are your friends and most are still unanswered. You still don't know the purpose behind you reading all this, yet you read because everyone else is reading... and you keep reading......

..... I will finish this later... busy reading.

Filling the void

2008-04-26T18:33:00.000-07:00

When a child is born, it sets happiness upon its loved ones, it is their bundle of joy. Some are not as fortunate, they are abandoned by their mothers, they are left unfed, out in the cold, with no one to accept them. The child is born empty, it brings to this world a little box, within it is nothing, a void.

The moment it is born, the parents or the society decides to fill it with happiness or misfortune. As he grows, the ones who care see the child growing to be one of them, they stuff his box with their hopes and dreams. For the ones who are unfortunate, the life fills their box with struggle and misery.

On his learning curve, the child is taught everything, from why not to fuck with fire to what happens when you do. Laid upon him is the definition of a civilized person, abiding by the norms is his new morals. He is the fullest at this stage, full of all the society's rules. Freedom is yet not defined, the chains of the society never gripped him tighter, friendships, relationships and other bonds weave a tapestry of attachments, responsibilities and misery. With kids and wife, without a stable income and with hungry mouths to feed life chokes him and society shoves more shit down his throat.

Prays to god no more, a vacuum at birth is now full, what more can you shove. The empty box he was is now full of things he cannot define, things not all of his own, and things forced upon him. Now as he yearns of the emptiness he realizes life is a process of filling the void, the vacuum he was.

fate

2007-06-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

disappointed, yet not surprised,
amused but not bothered.
One more question, left answered.
won't ponder, no not this time.
Not confused, now I know your game.
you let me play, but you have it your way.

you see me shiver the whole night long
My only hope the rising sun,
you throw me a rug and let me hold
then you pull it away and leave me cold.

Chained me to watch me crawl,
unchained, just to see me fall
you clipped my wings that never grew.
yet you let me fly, just to watch me fall.

April Fool's day

2007-04-01T16:33:00.000-07:00

April first, all fool's day or April fools day, a day to fool someone. Its nice to have a day in a year where you can play a prank and hopefully not get yelled back......
bla bla bla .............. Who the fuck started it ? Its kinda stupid not to do any research and ask stupid questions but I seriously need to know how it startd. You must be seriously dumb to fall for those pranks. The whole concept is retarded when you know its the first day of april and you can smell something cooking a mile away. Not to mention cheap humor, and pranks that are so old even caveman would not fall for it.

The Himalayan Times, a daily paper in Nepal, had some good April 1st day article. They wrote about Yeti and I started thinking "what iff" and the next year they came up with Nepathya, giving music to the new Indiana Jones Move, again the dissapointment followed by my "what if" But today I read in mysansar.com ( a blog) with similar April first concept about UFO landing in Nepal, and Girija is dead.....

Why do people not come up with something fresh?

Btw Did you guys hear that Nepal is going to be Presperous, Peaceful and free of Corrupt leaders. Bagmati will no longer be polluted.

My what ifff.

Nepali Road Map

2006-04-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

ROAD MAP , ROad map bhanchan sabai le you Road map bhaneko ko kaha jane Road ko map ho ?

I actually had a chance to meet everyone about their Road Maps ( location NOt specified as
as per the will of different Participants)
I asked these questions to all the power heads and here is their answer

.Maoist dai tapai ko road map kaha jane ho ?

Maoist dai : Hamro Road map chain Narayanhiti durbar jane ho .

Tara tapai haru ta tyo bato jane shortcut line bhanda bhandai jungle tira po janu bhayo ni?

Maoist dai : Tyas Bishaye ma chain ahile kura na garu bhai , 9-10 barsha
jungle ko bato ma nai bityo ahile chain
. sahar pasya saat jana budha haru pani hamro nai bato tira lagya
raichan sangai jane kura hudai chha.

hazur haru ko Road map ko definition pani jaos na ta .

mananiya Neta jiu haru :
Sampurna bato ma hidne sathi haru lai tha cha, Hami kun bato ma hidh dai chau bhanne.Hamlai tyo bato pani tha cha, Dherai feri aaune jane bato ho. Tara yo tall chain Gaye pachi Na farkine khalko Road Map ko Tayari hudai chha.

Tara Tapai le Road chain kata jane bhannu bhayena ni .

mananiya Neta jiu haru : Ma chain , Maharajgunj jane ho , aru baki sathi haru lai chain Shingadurbar tira laijane.

Now would you believe it, The king granted me an audience ( darshan bhet ) , I asked me if he had any road map.

didn't quite understand his entire speech , and could not figure out some of the Royal words being used. So the bottom line from what ever I got was

Hami dwara sampurna bato birshe ka haru lai bato dekhaune auta Royal Road Map ko Tayari gari bakshe ka chau.

To my amusement they all asked me what my road map was , ????

well sir I have found the Road to nowhere, and far away in the horizon I can see a big bus with thousands of Nepali in a bus . I dont know who the driver is but seems like all of you three are fighting for the steering.I don't know where you are trying to head us but for sure I know that Highway goes to Hell.

Reminds me

2006-04-17T18:35:00.000-07:00

I count the stars in a foggy night ,
I stare at the sun on the brightes sky.
The sharp thin knife. that deep wide cut;
Those wilted roses , the empty vase
the broken glass ,my silent smiles.
Remind me of you .

My dreary path , how I slip and fall.
The falling chips from that old wall;
Dry rivers and the broken bridge.
You live accross the seven seas.
and all they tell , all they ever do
is remind me that I will never be with you.

But still ,
All that I see or seem;
You is what I feel,what I dream
All that I am, all I'll ever be
Reminds me of what you are to me.
all I think and everything I do
Reminds me of YOu and only you.

The Valentines Day(2006)

2006-04-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

I was just walking down the street , when a book caught my eyes. Don't know if it was an antique shop but It certainly was not a book store where they sell books.
I din't care , well why should I , I never liked books but I must say there was something special about that book. They say , don't judge a book by its cover , but it was by
far the most beautiful book that I had ever seen.I kept on thinking about the book the whole night. Everyday , I walked the same street to the bus stop . I was often late to
my work but a gentle glance to the book and thinking about it was almost a routing now.I had no experience of reading books , the only thing that I ever come close
to reading was text books and some comics. But this was something special . Its been a week now and I still dont know much about the book , I dont now if its
a fiction,drama , thriller or a simple romantic book.

The book was famous among the guys at my work but they were intrested in some other books, some had their own and some were like me fantasising
about their own dream book that they could cherish for their entire life.Office wasnt much of a help and I dint wanted to show my desperation about
a "book".

Just as other days I was about to look at the book , the shoopkeeper called me inside the shop.She had noticed me looking at her book.Now I knew she is going to
take the book away and not keep it by the window but instead she told me about the book , we had a nice time. Then I used to drop at the shop after my work.
It was almost two weeks now . I knew her very well , but still I was afraid to talk about buying the book , or even borrowing it. As I had assumed it was not
just another book to be bought and sold or borrowed. It was a special one.

Then It was February 14, 1996, The valentines day, I was really excited about the day as I was about to ask the shopkeeper if she would consider
giving the book to me. I was shocked , I could not see the book . I went inside and asked her about the book , she told me it was sold! The guy who bought the book
was standing right next to me, he certainly looked like he was and educated person who reads a lot of books but I was sure he didnot know abou the book as much
as I did. She wrapped my book in a beautiful red paper , she looked even more beautiful. She handed the book to the guy, I just looked at
the book, may be for the last time.I watched the guy leave with the book , I was helpless.

The next thing I remember is , it was February 29, a leap year. I was still In agony , still thinking about it and I was sure there was no other book like it.
I lost something, something that was mine , something that was special to me
I quit the job , I sweared I would never walk that road again and I didnt. But I knew I had to move on , I was just killing time on the computer. Then I saw ,
100s and thousands of books , some of them were even more beautiful than the one that I loved. I was so
busy just thinking abou the same book that I never realised there are other good books out there. That day was special , I dont remember the date though.

Now I walk the same street only hoping to find one more book that I can dream about.

lie

2006-04-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

Looked in the mirror ; a stranger I see
a sight thats common and I l know thats me ,
Stained , broken and hollow ,
or is that someone else I see ?

lost in the day light I search a shodow to hide
a soothing shade to count the tears i cried.
I looked in my own eyes, now they are dry.
I will fake every smile , no more will I cry.
I will learn to lie ,
I will lie with my head held high.

To god

2006-04-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

To god

you gave me eyes thinking ,
i wud be lost in your maya jaal.
you can no longer hide
coz i can see you.

you gave me feelings, let me feel you
gave me mind to understand everyting
if you are everything , why cant i understand you?
you always help me
i want to thank you,
but how do i thank you.

if seeing me happy makes you happy
then my happiness wud be in seeing you.

even you know that i know you better than the most
but i am a human, why dont you say it in my ears.
I dont want to be lost in this confusion,
all i want is you, do i deserve you?
or is that you just dont want me.
You say you like me, but show me some love .
.
.
.

I know you are not hiding
If you are everywhere , then guess what I will search everywhere.
I am find you god ,

To god(II)

2006-04-17T18:28:00.001-07:00

the world is dying, i am about to die
I dont want you to give us life
we are hungry,
i dont want you to feed them.

we are diseased,
but we dont want the cure
we are all contagious
you aint coming near , thats for sure

we always live under some fear
but you say you are always there.
people are loosing faith,
and you still say you care
but all you do is nothin', just stare.

how can i forget , you are the god
what ever you do is right ,
we still dont have food,
and even thats good,

we are all lost in the dark,
trying to find the light.
you dont care to show us the way
and still say you are right.

helloooo!!!!
People are still hungry , children crying,
you are not god, the whole world can see it , think they are better
you are doing nothin, just wasting time reading my letter.

******************************** The above note dosnt reflect my true feelings********************** and god Please dont mind

why

2006-04-17T18:28:00.000-07:00

yet another why in my life
a new begining of uncertainity
why this belief, this delusion ,
or is it just another illusion.

why is everythig so blur,
please let me see, I want to hear.
but cant , is this a blessing , tell me.
understand me , try , try to feel me.

why this confusion, why this false haterade
I dont hate any body , but why am i pretending
acting dumb when i am not,
being lost when i know the way .

got a million whys, but who ansewers ,
no god dosnt , coz he dosnt speak
just show me the way . i will find my why
who am i asking this ,
I asked this , but why

Is love blind or Dumb

2006-04-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

my dumb love letter

dear ......
I know ppl call you a bit## , you hang around a lot with boys , well a lot more than just hang around. But thats fine coz i too write mails and have some occassional chats with other gals. you are a nice , sweet girl you have a beautiful smile . Jack thinks you are a $l** , and I dont care what anup ashish , bikram , charles, dorge, erik, ..........zessy say about you . Well they are your ex-boy friends but I trust you .
You smoke a lot and I know you can drink out the whole bar , but thats ok coz i too drink a lot of coke . you mightnot know , its got a lot of caffine and is as dangerous as alchol .
well ppl dont like your height but i like short girls. and i love your pink coloured hair and wow all your tattos on your body
especiall at your neck where you have your middle finger ..hehehe. The piercing on your lips , ears and the one on your eyebrow , god i love it
Well my momma dosnt like that as well
.
.
.
..
.
who ever said love is blind is probably wrong. Its dumb

no title

2006-04-17T18:26:00.000-07:00

thought you were oxygen
took in a lung full of you
now i am suffocating , but still breathin' u
it hurts , but i learnt to love pain
but i stilli love you ,
i think i told that once again

thought you were my blood
running thru my arteries, my vein,
how wrong was i, she was that bacteria
eating my heart , corrupting my brain

thought she was an angel
or a fairy of some kind
first she broke my heart
and now she haunts my mind

now i get it
she still smiles at me
i am so dumb , she is not smiling
she is laughing , trying to utilize me

(cud you give a suitable title for the above post)